Mihaela Claudia P

Relationships, we never know enough about how to maintain them in the best way possible, how to behave or not while in a relationship, and here I include any type of relationship. We don’t know what to say or not to say, we try to guess what the other person wants from us; in other words, a successful relationship requires a lot of effort in order to succeed.

As I said in a previous blog I wrote, I am passionate about the idea of writing about relationships because together with being healthy, having positive relationships is paramount for our well-being on all 5 levels: physical, mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual. I also promised to cover, blog by blog, various aspects of the art of thriving in a relationship, as this topic is so vast that a whole book about it wouldn’t be enough.

In this session, I have the following scenario: We have a couple in which one is dedicating a lot of time to their career and their passions and almost fully ignores their partner who, on the other hand, is trying to support their partner’s dreams but the fact of constantly being ignored is slowly pushing him/her away. I told myself that I will analyse these cases in all honesty even if I risk bothering some of the readers, but the truth is that in order to progress and/or to grow it’s always best to face reality than hiding behind ideas made out of illusions. The truth hurts, but it’s also the way that leads to healing and consequently to a new beginning.

With that in mind, in our scenario, it’s pretty obvious that the couple is heading in a direction that very likely will lead to separation. That is because the ignored part of the couple will start competing consciously or unconsciously with their partner’s career or hobby and most probably that’s a battle they won’t win. Eventually, they will think that their partner doesn’t need them or at least they don’t need them as much as they need their career or hobby, and hurt and disappointed, they will abandon the ship in hope of finding someone who needs them and values their presence. Keep in mind that if this happens, it will be very hard to win them back.

These two things go hand in hand, you need someone, which means that for you their presence is important. Needing someone doesn’t mean that you only need them to help or support you, it means that you need them as the cherry on your cake, you need them to bring that spark in your eyes, you need them to share your day with, you need them to have someone who brings the best out of you; needing has a whole world within, we can need someone in so many ways.

When you spend most of your time focused on your career or hobby and ignore the other, they won’t feel needed and as a consequence they will feel not valued, and they will go in search of that elsewhere, it is as simple as that. Just to make it clear, no one expects anyone to give up their career or their passions; however, the fact is that if we want to continue the relationship we are in, there needs to be a balance. If you are not willing to offer that balance, then probably you’d be better off single. You cannot offer most of your time, attention, and energy to your career/passion and expect a loving and healthy relationship. That could work for a while, let’s say if you are working on a temporary project, but not if you make out of your career focus a full-time concern.

Expecting to be able to put all the energy you want into your career at the expense of your partner and still have a normal relationship and a happy partner is not realistic. And if you feel like you cannot do otherwise, and you cannot balance both things in a more equal way, then start asking yourself if you are with the right partner or dig even deeper and ask yourself if being in a relationship at this moment in time is the wisest decision for you. It is only fair that your partner receives the attention any human being would expect while in a loving relationship. If you cannot offer them that, then let them find someone who is willing to do it.

Sometimes in life we must choose, as we cannot pretend to have things that are in total contrast. I am not saying that in this scenario there is a bad guy, absolutely not, there is a person who needs to understand themselves and their priorities. Being too focused on our career or hobby sometimes stops us from taking a look around us, and we tend to live in auto-pilot with our mind always focused on what needs to be done next so we can have the success we want in our career. However, taking a moment once in a while to assess our personal life is highly recommended for obvious reasons. And the earlier we start assessing, the better.

Assessing involves moments of introspection, during which you logically ponder where your life stands at this stage and where you want it to go. It also entails giving space to your heart or intuition. After analysing things from both perspectives equally, you can proceed to the next step of the assessment process, which is communication. Once you have clarified things within yourself, it’s only fair to involve your partner in the matter because, like it or not, when you are in a relationship, your life is not solely your own. You have a responsibility towards the other person, which requires you to share your current or future projects and consider their views as well.

The reality is that it’s not elegant, if you allow me to use this term, to be in a relationship and behave as if you are single. This demonstrates a lack of respect towards the other party. By communicating, you invite the other person into your “universe,” and even if that conversation leads to negative consequences, such as separation, which could ultimately be a positive outcome in time, at least you reach that conclusion together. Communication can be viewed as a tool for damage control.

And remember, no matter what happens during the conversation, the absence of communication will always have much worse consequences. So, if you want to choose the least unfavourable option, then go ahead and say what needs to be said.

In life there is a right time for everything and that’s something we mustn’t forget.

Thanks for reaching the end of my 4th blog post.